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"There is a new White Boi in town - why I'm excited to play for Dallas"
by Chandler Parsons for dallassunnewstoday.com
Mark Cuban and me. We are very close. We started a relationship via KIK about a year ago. There is something about our friendship - we are both hearty bros. Mark is married -- but he goes hard as do I. I love him, we just have a super chill vibe together. One time we were instant messaging each other - I just woke up from a party , drenched in glitter, sweat and Malibu. I forgot my pants [ duh total noob move ] and I looked over -- Mark SENT me a pair of pants . He KNEW I needed those pants. I remember them - some super nice slim fit Topman - MAVS blue with faux leather stripes - SO SIK BRAH I said to myself. I forgot me and Mark were still connected via Facebook chat - he looked at me with those big puppy dog eyes and said 'you like the color' ?
I did like it. Even though I was playing for the Rockets, thinking about Dwight 'the tower of smiles' and James 'cool beard brah' Harden, even though I was the third best player on the team with potential to be the best player on that team [ and all teams down the road soon bro ] I thought - me and Mark -- in DALLAS no less? I could on the real imagine that stuff, that stuff would be bananas ! I felt like a cheating man with his gal who was like 'dude don't cheat on me, lets get married' and I was like 'nah nah I gotta play that field tho' . I got on Instagram and I took a picture of myself putting my hand up to my head like a friggin rock star brah. One of my bois was like 'yo, let me photoshop a MAVS jerze on your rocked out bod bro , just for tits sake' I was like - hells yah. He did it, but I COULDN'T post it. I was like nah dis is for me ! I asked Mark where to get it printed and he was like 'OH Chand , I will print it for you - anything you need - I got you. I own a print shop, of course' he laughed - so fun when he laughed.
So, needless to say - I could see myself as a Mav. I dreamt about taking jello shots off some broads boob bags at a slammin as club with Mark -- maybe he could teach me things -- things about dat cash, things about dat ass, how to dress like a friggin rock star brah !
When Houston didn't re-up me and flinched at me and Mark -- he was there. Like , just loyal and stuff, he was there with one killer contract. I thought to myself - they got Dirk he's german, and me - and I was like CAT FIGHT! Dude I was seriously thinking' is DA DIRK gonna be cool with some the New White Boi in town?? I HAD to know dawg. I got his Snapchat from my dope ass boi Mark and we started snap chatting. At first it was subtle. I took a pic of my biceps and he sent me a pick of the german national fusball team that said 'these are winners' - I laughed but he was right as fuq.
It turns out Dirk -- he took mad less of that cash to play -- he wanted to play with a winner. Secretly, he hadn't realized it yet but he wanted to play with me. The new White Boi in the building! I was like Dirk you cool with that? I'm gonna make like $5 mil more scrapes than you and I gonna be the superstar of that. I told them dummies in Houston that i was primed to be the third star and they didn't see it. They signed Trevor Ariza [ what kinda name is that t h o ? ] instead. Thats a noob move for sure. They will see tho - I knew I was gunnin for that spot and I knew I would get it. I worked out so hard brah - got those gluteus in top form, I was ready to straight score and just be the next Kevin Durant or whatever - the newest superstar in the NBA. I was down to be Houstons number three but now I am gonna be that new White Ice Boi in the DAL and with my man Mark Cuban, with the clubs poppin off, with any tight rayon shirts I can get my hands on, I'm gonna show them that it's time for a new era in Dallas. The Chandler Parsons era. And dat is for the truth to speak.
Dallas are you ready for that championship parade t h o ?
- Chandler Parsons