Cap's Dad

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Cap
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Re: Cap's Dad

Post by Cap » Thu Aug 02, 2018 8:28 am

Holding up OK. Just taking it one day at a time. Getting through one day without him is easy. Getting through the rest of my life without him is kind of scary.

This coming weekend would have been his second bar mitzvah. Instead we’re using the day to celebrate him, so I’m going to be visiting his shul, reading Torah and the Haftarah. My sister and her family are coming in from Denver and will also participate in the service, as will my Mom.
JJ will be better than KP when all is said and done [in 2020]. Mark it. — AIG, with Indy betting against

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Nodack
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Re: Cap's Dad

Post by Nodack » Thu Aug 09, 2018 2:03 am

Sorry for your loss Carey. Lost my dad to several kinds of cancer. 61, that’s pretty young. Cancer doesn’t care how old you are. My mother and sister have survived cancer.

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Cap
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Re: Cap's Dad

Post by Cap » Thu Aug 09, 2018 6:17 am

Nodack wrote:
Thu Aug 09, 2018 2:03 am
Lost my dad to several kinds of cancer.... My mother and sister have survived cancer.
Ouch. Sounds like you might have some cancer-prone genes.
JJ will be better than KP when all is said and done [in 2020]. Mark it. — AIG, with Indy betting against

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carey
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Re: Cap's Dad

Post by carey » Thu Aug 09, 2018 9:16 pm

Nodack wrote:
Thu Aug 09, 2018 2:03 am
Sorry for your loss Carey. Lost my dad to several kinds of cancer. 61, that’s pretty young. Cancer doesn’t care how old you are. My mother and sister have survived cancer.
Thanks, man. It sucks. Seems to suck more as time goes on right now instead of less.
Go Suns!

Og Snus!

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Nodack
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Re: Cap's Dad

Post by Nodack » Thu Aug 16, 2018 12:49 pm

Cap wrote:
Thu Aug 09, 2018 6:17 am
Nodack wrote:
Thu Aug 09, 2018 2:03 am
Lost my dad to several kinds of cancer.... My mother and sister have survived cancer.
Ouch. Sounds like you might have some cancer-prone genes.
I get checked pretty often. For me it might be my heart that does me in. Was born with a hole in my heart that healed right away and I have had a heart murmur since. I got Atrial Flutter a couple years ago and have had two heart surgeries to correct it. So far so good.

We all have to go sometime. Enjoy your time on the planet while you are here. I have had a great life. When my time comes I am ok with it.

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Indy
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Re: Cap's Dad

Post by Indy » Thu Aug 16, 2018 12:51 pm

Nodack wrote:
Thu Aug 16, 2018 12:49 pm
Cap wrote:
Thu Aug 09, 2018 6:17 am
Nodack wrote:
Thu Aug 09, 2018 2:03 am
Lost my dad to several kinds of cancer.... My mother and sister have survived cancer.
Ouch. Sounds like you might have some cancer-prone genes.
I get checked pretty often. For me it might be my heart that does me in. Was born with a hole in my heart that healed right away and I have had a heart murmur since. I got Atrial Flutter a couple years ago and have had two heart surgeries to correct it. So far so good.

We all have to go sometime. Enjoy your time on the planet while you are here. I have had a great life. When my time comes I am ok with it.
I love your attituide. I hope I will feel the same way once I complete my responsibility of helping influence my children to help the world.

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Nodack
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Re: Cap's Dad

Post by Nodack » Thu Aug 16, 2018 12:59 pm

I have no children. I like that you feel a responsibility to ensure your children have a positive impact on the world. I have no children except my dog who thinks it’s my daughter.

BTW RIP Aretha Franklin queen of soul who died today. She inspired and entertained a lot of people in her lifetime. As a musician I live for entertaining people.

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Shabazz
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Re: Cap's Dad

Post by Shabazz » Thu Aug 16, 2018 5:35 pm

Cap wrote:
Thu Aug 02, 2018 8:28 am
Holding up OK. Just taking it one day at a time. Getting through one day without him is easy. Getting through the rest of my life without him is kind of scary.

This coming weekend would have been his second bar mitzvah. Instead we’re using the day to celebrate him, so I’m going to be visiting his shul, reading Torah and the Haftarah. My sister and her family are coming in from Denver and will also participate in the service, as will my Mom.
Were you raised reform?
Point Guard Needed. Apply here.

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Cap
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Re: Cap's Dad

Post by Cap » Thu Aug 16, 2018 5:37 pm

Shabazz wrote:
Thu Aug 16, 2018 5:35 pm
Cap wrote:
Thu Aug 02, 2018 8:28 am
Holding up OK. Just taking it one day at a time. Getting through one day without him is easy. Getting through the rest of my life without him is kind of scary.

This coming weekend would have been his second bar mitzvah. Instead we’re using the day to celebrate him, so I’m going to be visiting his shul, reading Torah and the Haftarah. My sister and her family are coming in from Denver and will also participate in the service, as will my Mom.
Were you raised reform?
Conservative.
JJ will be better than KP when all is said and done [in 2020]. Mark it. — AIG, with Indy betting against

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Shabazz
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Re: Cap's Dad

Post by Shabazz » Thu Aug 16, 2018 5:42 pm

Cap wrote:
Thu Aug 16, 2018 5:37 pm
Shabazz wrote:
Thu Aug 16, 2018 5:35 pm
Cap wrote:
Thu Aug 02, 2018 8:28 am
Holding up OK. Just taking it one day at a time. Getting through one day without him is easy. Getting through the rest of my life without him is kind of scary.

This coming weekend would have been his second bar mitzvah. Instead we’re using the day to celebrate him, so I’m going to be visiting his shul, reading Torah and the Haftarah. My sister and her family are coming in from Denver and will also participate in the service, as will my Mom.
Were you raised reform?
Conservative.
Still practice at all? I was actually raised Orthodox, but am somewhat of a black sheep at this point.
Point Guard Needed. Apply here.

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Cap
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Re: Cap's Dad

Post by Cap » Thu Aug 16, 2018 6:15 pm

Shabazz wrote:
Thu Aug 16, 2018 5:42 pm
Cap wrote:
Thu Aug 16, 2018 5:37 pm
Shabazz wrote:
Thu Aug 16, 2018 5:35 pm
Cap wrote:
Thu Aug 02, 2018 8:28 am
Holding up OK. Just taking it one day at a time. Getting through one day without him is easy. Getting through the rest of my life without him is kind of scary.

This coming weekend would have been his second bar mitzvah. Instead we’re using the day to celebrate him, so I’m going to be visiting his shul, reading Torah and the Haftarah. My sister and her family are coming in from Denver and will also participate in the service, as will my Mom.
Were you raised reform?
Conservative.
Still practice at all? I was actually raised Orthodox, but am somewhat of a black sheep at this point.
I still attend services almost every week, but I don’t go to the same shul as my parents.

“Black sheep” as in different or as in outcast?
JJ will be better than KP when all is said and done [in 2020]. Mark it. — AIG, with Indy betting against

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Shabazz
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Re: Cap's Dad

Post by Shabazz » Thu Aug 16, 2018 6:41 pm

Cap wrote:
Thu Aug 16, 2018 6:15 pm
Shabazz wrote:
Thu Aug 16, 2018 5:42 pm
Cap wrote:
Thu Aug 16, 2018 5:37 pm
Shabazz wrote:
Thu Aug 16, 2018 5:35 pm
Cap wrote:
Thu Aug 02, 2018 8:28 am
Holding up OK. Just taking it one day at a time. Getting through one day without him is easy. Getting through the rest of my life without him is kind of scary.

This coming weekend would have been his second bar mitzvah. Instead we’re using the day to celebrate him, so I’m going to be visiting his shul, reading Torah and the Haftarah. My sister and her family are coming in from Denver and will also participate in the service, as will my Mom.
Were you raised reform?
Conservative.
Still practice at all? I was actually raised Orthodox, but am somewhat of a black sheep at this point.
I still attend services almost every week, but I don’t go to the same shul as my parents.

“Black sheep” as in different or as in outcast?
I just meant I'm not quite as observant as the rest of my family.
Point Guard Needed. Apply here.

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pickle
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Re: Cap's Dad

Post by pickle » Wed Sep 26, 2018 4:44 am

As always, I'm late to this thread.

Cap and Carey, so sorry for your losses. I lost my dad 7 years ago to cancer. He was also 61.

It was really tough, still is to be honest. Life keeps me busy and I don't get to slow down to think about it much, but every time I do it gets quite difficult. I don't live in the Arizona area anymore, but when my dad passed I went back to the house and stayed for 3 months to help my mom transition. Being in that house was terrible. Every little thing reminded me of him. Every morning I woke up I could hear his footsteps coming down the hall to wake me, as was the custom when I was home, as he was an early riser and I am a night owl.

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carey
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Re: Cap's Dad

Post by carey » Wed Sep 26, 2018 3:08 pm

pickle wrote:
Wed Sep 26, 2018 4:44 am
As always, I'm late to this thread.

Cap and Carey, so sorry for your losses. I lost my dad 7 years ago to cancer. He was also 61.

It was really tough, still is to be honest. Life keeps me busy and I don't get to slow down to think about it much, but every time I do it gets quite difficult. I don't live in the Arizona area anymore, but when my dad passed I went back to the house and stayed for 3 months to help my mom transition. Being in that house was terrible. Every little thing reminded me of him. Every morning I woke up I could hear his footsteps coming down the hall to wake me, as was the custom when I was home, as he was an early riser and I am a night owl.
Thanks, Pickle.
Go Suns!

Og Snus!

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Cap
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Re: Cap's Dad

Post by Cap » Wed Sep 26, 2018 3:16 pm

pickle wrote:
Wed Sep 26, 2018 4:44 am
As always, I'm late to this thread.

Cap and Carey, so sorry for your losses. I lost my dad 7 years ago to cancer. He was also 61.

It was really tough, still is to be honest. Life keeps me busy and I don't get to slow down to think about it much, but every time I do it gets quite difficult. I don't live in the Arizona area anymore, but when my dad passed I went back to the house and stayed for 3 months to help my mom transition. Being in that house was terrible. Every little thing reminded me of him. Every morning I woke up I could hear his footsteps coming down the hall to wake me, as was the custom when I was home, as he was an early riser and I am a night owl.
Thanks, Pick.

What you describe sounds like what my Mom is going through. She says it’s tough to be in that home without him. She has put it on the market and is going to move to a retirement community.

Fortunately I have not developed an aversion to things that remind me of him. Most of the things I enjoy doing (including following the Suns) remind me of him.
JJ will be better than KP when all is said and done [in 2020]. Mark it. — AIG, with Indy betting against

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pickle
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Re: Cap's Dad

Post by pickle » Thu Sep 27, 2018 3:11 am

I think this is more to do with personality. I tend to worry about the bad things rather than focus on the good, and I hate that about myself, but sadly I don't know how to change it. I'm really happy to hear that you are able to stay on the positive side of things though!

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Nodack
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Re: Cap's Dad

Post by Nodack » Wed Oct 03, 2018 11:53 pm

Taking care of aging loved ones can be difficult. After my uncle died my aunt lived alone for awhile. After a few falls and a broken hip we took her in. It was tough on all of us. We have a two story house with all the bedrooms upstairs and she couldn't climb stairs and had to take over the dining room living room area as her space. There was a bathroom downstairs but no shower, so she traveled to her old place for showers.

We fixed up and sold her place and found a nice place for her at a retirement home. She lives in her own apartment. There is a cafeteria where she gets most of her meals. They clean her place for her twice a month. They have activities galore. She has been there over a year now. She stopped going to any activities. It has been a steady decline there. We visit about 5-6 times a week to make sure she is OK and gets a little company. My wife has to help her shower and she can barely walk with a cain or walker. Her memory is getting bad. She can barely hear with hearing aids. She can't see well enough to read very well. She goes to the bathroom in her pants often. Everything hurts. She has diabetes and won't listen to anybody as far as treatment goes.

I visited today and she was in a bad mood. I let her go on and complain about everybody and everything for about an hour and a half and just listened.

"I can't work that damn TV! Nobody shows me nothing!"

"Well Aunt, here is where the power button is."

"I know that, I'm not stupid!"

"Here is where the channel up and down is and the other one is the volume up and down."

"I know that! You are giving he a headache. Just turn that damn thing off!"

My wife gets upset and tries to reason and correct her and they end up getting in fights. My wife takes it all personally. I have lived with my aunt and uncle off and on throughout the years and understand her. They used to sound like they were always fighting. To me they were just talking in their way. When my aunt starts complaining or saying stuff that is not true I don't correct her. I made that mistake a few times. Now I just let it bounce of me like water off a ducks back and just listen without rolling your eyes of course. I tried to teach my wife this trick but, she hasn't learned yet. Someday hopefully she will be 89 too. She has been forgetting to take her meds she is supposed to take twice a day. Today she took both sets way too close together. I tried to tell her to make sure they are 12 hours in-between. She wanted to argue about it.

We think she is close to going into a different building in the same place that is more hands on care and of course more expensive. She is not into that at all. Before my uncle died he went into hospice care and shared a room with another guy. An Iranian couple took care of a bunch of people in a house and it scared my aunt to death. All the women were on the couch watching TV with dimentia. None of them were actually watching it. Half just stared out into space. Some would endlessly talk about things from their past to whoever would listen or just to themselves.

My parents are not in great shape either. Dad can barely walk with a walker. Mom can but is paranoid about being seen by an actual person. She can drive and walk fine but, won't leave the house alone and thinks everybody is always staring at her.

TMI probably for everybody but wanted to share life caring for seniors. The moral of the story is we all love them but, it can be difficult trying to take care of them when they get older. Just try to comfort them, not rehabilitate them or think you are going to find a cure to every ache and pain. They might expect it though. They will claim the doctors are doing enough. Understand what is happening to them and know that you cannot stop the aging process. Don't get so stressed and start blaming yourself or get so upset when they don't act rationally. Know that you are now the adult and they are sort of becoming the child again. Don't treat them like a child though. They get real pissed when you start talking like you are talking to a child to them. Just be there for them and try to make their lives as happy as possible.

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