Comedy help

[Danimal]

ok here goes.

Be warned there is a bunch of swearing in there if you planning watch in front of your kids or in the office.

[Danimal]

Your thoughts?

[Indy]

Haven't got a chance to watch without my kids around. Will try tomorrow.

[Danimal]

Trying fresh stuff tonight. Any thoughts on the last set Indy?

... e=youtu.be

[Indy]

Trying fresh stuff tonight. Any thoughts on the last set Indy?

... e=youtu.be

It says the video doesn't exist...

[Indy]

Your thoughts?

The youtube video said that was your stand up debut. If that really was your first time, that was probably 500% better than most their first time. I actually laughed more than the audience. I think it is very interesting for an Aussie to be doing stand up in Malaysia. There are so many culture aspects that it is hard to get good overlap.

[Nodack]

Good luck with your stand up Danimal. My dad sent me this and I thought it was funny and this looked like the best place to put it. This might be a great skit for an older guy or maybe talking about your dad.

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Walmart.

Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out.


Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women
- she loves to
browse & leaves me with endless time to fulfill.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter, from the local Walmart:




Dear
Mrs. Harris:

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store.


Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

1.
June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in
other people's
carts when they weren't looking.

2.
July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at
5-minute
intervals.

3. July
7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading
to the women's restroom.

4. July

19:
Walked up to
an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code
3 in Housewares. Get on
it right away'. This caused
the employee to leave her assigned station and
receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with
a union
grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company
money. We
don't have a Code 3.

5. August 4: Went to the

Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6.
August 14: Moved a, 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted
area.

7. August 15: Set up a
tent in the camping department and told
the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring
pillows and
blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children
obliged.

8. August 23: When a
clerk asked if they could help him he began
crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
EMTs were
called.

9.
September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as
a mirror
while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While
handling
guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the
antidepressants
were.

11. October 3: Darted
around the store suspiciously
while
loudly humming
the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12.
October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his, 'Madonna
Look'
using different sizes of funnels.

13.
October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed
through, yelled
'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 22: When an
announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal
position and
screamed 'OH NO!
IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'


15. Took a box of
condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where
is the fitting room?







And last, but not
least:

16. October 23: Went
into a fitting room, shut the door, waited
awhile; then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in
here.' One of the
clerks passed out.

[Nodack]

Good luck with your stand up Danimal. My dad sent me this and I thought it was funny and this looked like the best place to put it. This might be a great skit for an older guy or maybe talking about your dad. I didn't fix the formatting, but sue me.

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Walmart.

Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out.


Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women
- she loves to
browse & leaves me with endless time to fulfill.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter, from the local Walmart:




Dear
Mrs. Harris:

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store.


Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

1.
June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in
other people's
carts when they weren't looking.

2.
July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at
5-minute
intervals.

3. July
7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading
to the women's restroom.

4. July

19:
Walked up to
an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code
3 in Housewares. Get on
it right away'. This caused
the employee to leave her assigned station and
receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with
a union
grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company
money. We
don't have a Code 3.

5. August 4: Went to the

Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6.
August 14: Moved a, 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted
area.

7. August 15: Set up a
tent in the camping department and told
the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring
pillows and
blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children
obliged.

8. August 23: When a
clerk asked if they could help him he began
crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
EMTs were
called.

9.
September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as
a mirror
while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While
handling
guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the
antidepressants
were.

11. October 3: Darted
around the store suspiciously
while
loudly humming
the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12.
October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his, 'Madonna
Look'
using different sizes of funnels.

13.
October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed
through, yelled
'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 22: When an
announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal
position and
screamed 'OH NO!
IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'


15. Took a box of
condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where
is the fitting room?


And last, but not
least:

16. October 23: Went
into a fitting room, shut the door, waited
awhile; then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in
here.' One of the
clerks passed out.

[Danimal]

Thanks for the feedback guys! Sorry hadn't looked the thread in a while.

I went home recently and did an open mic back there. I hate going to new comedy clubs. The first time you go to one, the people look at you like 'what are you doing in our private tree house!?' They are quite clicky and a few regulars are friends with each other and laugh too much at each others jokes. Probably not good for developing their act. I call it 'stacking the deck'. I get over a bunch of 23 year olds talking about how difficult their lives are pretty quickly though. Maybe don't study an arts degree.

It went pretty well though.

Sorry for the poor sound quality.

[Danimal]

managed to get a paid spot for next week at an event that had each comics photos in the ad. Been about a year since I started. thanks again guys for your initial feedback

[Superbone]

managed to get a paid spot for next week at an event that had each comics photos in the ad. Been about a year since I started. thanks again guys for your initial feedback

Very cool! Congrats!

[Indy]

Nice work!

[Nodack]

Good luck!

People tell me I'm funny, but unfortunately I'm the funniest when I'm not trying to be.

[Danimal]

Thanks Indy, Bone and Nodak

You sound like the Kramer of your friendship group Nodak

[Nodack]

I suppose. My old nick name used to be spaz.

[Danimal]

So I kept going with the comedy with these past few years. I’m about to love to India where the scene is growing I’m told.

Will keep you posted.

It is actually a good way to travel. Not that people are flying me places but throughout my travels in SE Asia I could jump on ticketed shows on a regular basis. It turned out it’s very easy to make friends this way - other comics.

[Superbone]

That's awesome. My son has been doing stand up since high school. He moved to NYC last fall after graduating from college and has been doing a ton of open mics. After a lot of bombing, he's starting to have a little success.

[In2ition]

That's awesome. My son has been doing stand up since high school. He moved to NYC last fall after graduating from college and has been doing a ton of open mics. After a lot of bombing, he's starting to have a little success.

That's cool. Best of luck to your son. I hope we see Superbone Jr. hit it big.

[Superbone]

That's awesome. My son has been doing stand up since high school. He moved to NYC last fall after graduating from college and has been doing a ton of open mics. After a lot of bombing, he's starting to have a little success.

That's cool. Best of luck to your son. I hope we see Superbone Jr. hit it big.

Thanks. I’ll let you know if/when he does.