Phoenix Suns to replace Gorilla mascot with a Rodeo Clown
Posted: Tue Apr 01, 2025 1:23 pm
New Times
Phoenix, Arizona
April 1, 2025
The Phoenix Suns are in the process of replacing their beloved gorilla mascot with a rodeo clown. A Phoenix representative told the New Times that a gorilla was a silly idea from the beginning and didn't represent the City of Phoenix in any way other than maybe a little representation at the Phoenix Zoo. Our reporter reached out to the zoo gorillas but they had no comment and proceeded to beat him to death. Rest in peace, Johnny Golightly.
The Suns representative went on to say, "We just think a rodeo clown better represents our product on the floor and also gives that Southwestern flavor. The Suns have been known to hang with opposing teams for up to a quarter of basketball before getting embarrassed the rest of the way. A rodeo clown better represents that. When you watch bull riding, those cowboys can only hang on for so long before getting thrown. Then the comic relief can come in and cheer up the crowd. We think this will go a long way to improving the in-game experience. Currently, it's a real shame to see little kids leaving the arena crying due to their team getting embarrassed on a nightly basis. This will bring a little laughter and hopefully provide some smiles to these poor little bastards and their families."
Due to this positive change, the Suns will be increasing ticket prices an average of 25% for the 2025-2026 season.
https://obviouslymadeupwebsite.newtimes.com/aprilfools
Phoenix, Arizona
April 1, 2025
The Phoenix Suns are in the process of replacing their beloved gorilla mascot with a rodeo clown. A Phoenix representative told the New Times that a gorilla was a silly idea from the beginning and didn't represent the City of Phoenix in any way other than maybe a little representation at the Phoenix Zoo. Our reporter reached out to the zoo gorillas but they had no comment and proceeded to beat him to death. Rest in peace, Johnny Golightly.
The Suns representative went on to say, "We just think a rodeo clown better represents our product on the floor and also gives that Southwestern flavor. The Suns have been known to hang with opposing teams for up to a quarter of basketball before getting embarrassed the rest of the way. A rodeo clown better represents that. When you watch bull riding, those cowboys can only hang on for so long before getting thrown. Then the comic relief can come in and cheer up the crowd. We think this will go a long way to improving the in-game experience. Currently, it's a real shame to see little kids leaving the arena crying due to their team getting embarrassed on a nightly basis. This will bring a little laughter and hopefully provide some smiles to these poor little bastards and their families."
Due to this positive change, the Suns will be increasing ticket prices an average of 25% for the 2025-2026 season.
https://obviouslymadeupwebsite.newtimes.com/aprilfools
